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Deviant for 8 Years
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It beats still in my chest I suppose
a faint and half-hearted echo in repose
known by too much sorrow and pain
how long does it last with no gain
hearts are such fragile toys
This one that no longer knows joys
Wish someday it might stop so I can go on
let the past die, shrivel and be gone
Can I function within an emptiness unshakable?
while still my heart remains unbreakable?
In the past year and few months I went through some of the most traumatic events in my life so far. I will always remember it as the year of Hell!

I have had some good experiences but the past 7 months has taken its toll on me, as I have watched my world basically fall apart. I set in motion a series of events thinking back it is a bit of we reap what we have sown. I realize I am not to blame for all of the events that have transpired but at some point it has get good right?

Things I never thought in my wildest dreams I would have to deal with and such personal loss I am left to wonder is this the bottom?
Normally I am a bit of a pessimist, but try to remain optimistic, I am struggling to find the silver lining to all of this other than some personal growth.

Funny how a year can be so long and bring so much when all you want to find again is some kind of normal...

I refuse to give in however and I will keep looking at each day as a new opportunity.
Or perhaps I have half-Heartedly chosen to no longer remember who I am?

Maybe that is the interesting thing about being human? That although I cannot change many physical traits I can change who I am...but fundamentally? I am not talking about just changing my mind or how I react to things no this is the core or better still the Heart of the matter. How to change ones Heart...? How do I change my Heart?

Is such a personal alchemical feat possible?

Hmmm well any invocation must come from a start, either with the head or from the Heart. It must be pure, just and a kindly piece of art. It must grow becoming more than written word or spoken deed. It must become something wonderful indeed...


My Heart shall become a stone...
ah but not one cold, dark, unyieldingly hard as bone,
no instead it will become the philosophers stone.

The source of eternal life within me...but how can it be?
What is needed the quintessential start of this process I see?
Well the Heart is a vessel both a container pumping blood
and like a ship sailing on the seas of LOVE!

I'll carve out my stone Heart to be filled and or float
With a new hope and patience will I promote
To fill this container as my goal...
across oceans of Love shall it go!

Love myself first, not selfishly, vainly, nor in arrogant disdain 
Kindness at first drop by drop turn to torrents of rain
So when that vessel is full and ready to steam forth
Catching waves of love with compass toward north

Weathering any storm I grow stronger, fit and passionate
I shall then pour it out on all whom I love and sail beyond the sunset
navigating through everlasting joy in this my plan
and finally remembering who I am...
She says we are all wet inside and you should learn to dive deeper...

I took a full breath as I swam inside her beauty beneath the penetrating rays of the morning light. We tussle like otters over a prized oyster rolling and frolicking between the surf colored sheets. As mercurial as she usually is, today her logic was slippery, uneasy to grasp and her waves were crashing into me.

Its not whether you can hold your breath the whole time either she says...sometimes you need to drown so that you understand you are meant to be a fish or a dolphin or whale. You have spent to much time on the land and forgot where your came from, who you are, you forgot how to swim!

Swim with me she says...swim with me...and so I start swimming and swimming and I don't stop until I reach the ocean her ocean...

And I just float for awhile lost in a sea of her words.
  • Listening to: Water from a vine leaf
  • Watching: the waves crash
Been a long while since I posted on here...I have always used this site for expressions of my art be it photography, mixed medium or writing. But due to the nature of my life my writing had become more private than this glass house...

Over the past year I have been through some serious personal trauma (not just drama, but actually trauma). Some was self-inflicted, some was by the shit storms of destruction that surrounded my life. I am finally starting to see a light at the end of this tunnel and its not another oncoming train! No this time it is where I step out into the sun, shed my skin, spread my wings bask in being me again...Soon to take flight!

The loss of a relationship can be heart wrenching and what occurred during that loss is not even remotely normal or typical. I do hope that someday that relationship can be mended more than it currently is, but I have accepted if never will be. During all of this I have been meeting the most amazing people who have helped me through something that nearly destroyed me.

Recently I met a woman. A casual meet, sitting on a park bench on a gorgeous afternoon with a very attractive, vivacious woman who suddenly without warning or provocation pushed every single André button I have! We have an incredibly interesting conversation about how I like to write bad poetry and she loves to sing and write songs and all too soon part. Thinking to myself well that was so much fun I wonder if I will see her again she texts me "Want to hear song I'm singing about you?"

No one has ever done that for me? Let alone sang to me?

THWIP! THWIP! THWIP! (dodging arrows here)

And with a beautiful a cappella voice she sings the first line...I could be your Muse...

An BOOM my mirror neurons are firing synapses like lightening storm on a hot July night! Suddenly I am transported to an ethereal plane, her voice has been softly echoing through my mind. The possibilities are endless, the conversations imagined are fulfilling and other thoughts arise like a volcano waiting to explode!

However her world is very different than mine, it is a deep ocean one am I barely able to wade into? I am uncertain if I could survive there for long without plenty of oxygen, least I drown...
  • Listening to: my song
  • Watching: Spring sprung
It beats still in my chest I suppose
a faint and half-hearted echo in repose
known by too much sorrow and pain
how long does it last with no gain
hearts are such fragile toys
This one that no longer knows joys
Wish someday it might stop so I can go on
let the past die, shrivel and be gone
Can I function within an emptiness unshakable?
while still my heart remains unbreakable?


Seriously? Ok then...
Artist | Hobbyist | Digital Art
United States
I wish that I were more photogenic but then I would probably stand in front of a mirror all day.

Current Residence: United States
Favourite genre of music: I am eclectic so a variety
Favourite photographer: ...ME! HAHA!
Favourite style of art: Realism in Water Colors blows my mind!
Operating System: UGH...I work with computers...So pretty much all of them
Personal Quote: nosce te ipsum!

So you like my artwork or my photography? Get to know me on Google+

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Add a Comment:
Anj3lla Featured By Owner Mar 7, 2016   General Artist
Happy Birthday!!!:iconrainbowsparklesplz:
spacedementchen Featured By Owner Jul 3, 2015
hey there!
remember me? i do remember you!
just edited some stuff and actually was online here for a long time ago, when i saw your nice comments again and wanted to say "Hi!".

i hope you're doing fine?

greetings from germany

VileYonderboy Featured By Owner Aug 25, 2015  Hobbyist Digital Artist
Hi Lena!

I went through a bad divorce and have been so busy...

You look lovely as ever great work!

Greetings from America

Felosoraptor Featured By Owner Aug 4, 2014  Student Photographer
Thank you for the watch!
VileYonderboy Featured By Owner Aug 4, 2014  Hobbyist Digital Artist
I like your work! I would like to have some time to do what you are doing or at least some friends interested in doing it lol
cranberrycorners Featured By Owner Jul 21, 2014
Highly appreciate your kind words!
VileYonderboy Featured By Owner Jul 22, 2014  Hobbyist Digital Artist
You are very welcome!
LovinSpoonfuls Featured By Owner May 3, 2013  Hobbyist Traditional Artist
VileYonderboy Featured By Owner May 3, 2013  Hobbyist Digital Artist
What the? That was a nice one not the tackle one? The tackle one looks fun but I am sure I would hurt something...
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